I was nine years old, and my brother was 17, when the two of us were being examined by a doctor (I don't remember what kind or where; I've always remembered it as being one of those school examinations). The doctor told us we both had scoliosis, and we needed to be seen again in a short time (probably a few months). While my brother's scoliosis apparently vanished, mine got worse.
A short time after that, I was seen by a different doctor (probably an orthopedist) who took x-rays. He asked me if everything was all right at home. I told him yes, because I didn't know that my home life wasn't "all right" and normal. In fact, life was hell. My parents had divorced a year or so before then; I'd hardly seen my father as a kid, since he worked 16 hour days six days a week and anyway, he had a short temper and never wanted children anyway, and he alternately beat and sexually abused my older siblings. Not only that but my grandfather (who, along with my grandmother, would spend every summer living in our house and disrupted everything in our lives by doing so -- they would move into my older sister's room, she would move into my tiny room, and I would be relocated into the open den downstairs on a fold-out couch for the duration of the summer) molested me on a pretty constant basis, my brother and sister fought violently together (my sister once threw his bedroom door out of thte house into the front yard because he made her so angry), and my mother was alternately temporarily employed or on unemployment and occasionally drinking (which became a nightly occurance over time). There was no peace, there was little love, there was certainly no money and no hope ... just my ability to shut down my emotions and grow into a terribly insecure, frightened little girl who craved love, attention and even basic friendship.
To this day I regret telling the doctor "yes," because maybe my family could've gotten some help. Something might've been done. To this day I have to remind myself that I was only a little girl, not responsible for everything around me! But I still believe that scoliosis is in some way connected to one's emotional and spiritual health ... as one nurse put it, "What else can you expect when you put the weight of the world onto shoulders that weren't made to bear it?"
So anyway, I had x-rays taken and apparently my curve (or curves) was 40 degrees. I never knew if my curve was single or double, left or right, or anything like that. I was told only what I needed to know. The other thing I was told was I would have to wear a brace for the next four years ... which meant until I was in eighth grade! That was a million years in the future, and I grew sad. My mother also began taking me to a chiropractor, who was a very nice woman, every day for the next umpteen months or years, I don't exactly remember. I remember my favorite adjustment was the "hug" because I needed every single hug I could get.
My mother bought me a book called "Deenie" by Judy Blume, and that was supposed to take care of any questions or concerns I might have. I learned from that book what scoliosis was, and how it was treated. A short time later, I remember seemingly hanging from the ceiling at a hospital as I was wrapped up like a pinata with plaster... and waiting for it to dry ... and I remember my terror that the sharp whizzing blade intended to merely cut the plaster and free me would somehow dig right ... into ... my ... spine. Thankfully that didn't happen, and I had to wait for my brace to be made.
My brace was from my neck to my hips. Made of flesh-tone acrylic with four or five Velcro straps in the front and air holes dotted throughout, I was told to wear it 23 hours a day and to do certain exercises during that one free hour. I did almost exactly as told ... well ... I couldn't do the exercises very well, I mean I was never able to do a single sit-up in gym class without a special mat on the floor, how was I supposed to do exercises on the floor of my tiny cubicle of a bedroom?! The brace got very hot and uncomfortable, especially in the summer, and it was kind of strange. It was unnoticeable under my clothes, and most other people didn't know I wore it. I didn't tell anyone about my experiences because I was far from popular, so who would care? So like everything else in my life, I didn't tell many people (I remember telling one girl that I was wearing a brace and she said oh really? And punched me as hard as she could in the cervical spine area).
Four months later, I was seen again by doctors and x-rayed yet again (I became a pro at taking x-rays). To everyone's astonishment, my curvature went from 40 degrees to .5 degrees in those four months! The chiropractor to this very day refers to me as her chiropractic "miracle case." I was released from the brace but my chiropractic care continued.
Fast-forward about 15 years ... I was in a serious car accident at age 14 that left me with some discomfort/pain in my cervical spine if I sat in a chair with poor support or walked around the mall for too long. Then at age 25 I was in a *really* serious car accident that gave me serious whiplash and re-injured my cervical spine, so that three years later I am still working to strengthen the muscles in that area. When x-rays were taken following the second accident, it was noted that the scoliosis had returned, but it wasn't seen as a major problem. I was not told to what degree etc., but I'm sure it's worse now ... my hips are uneven again, or is it just that one leg is three inches shorter than the other? Nobody can agree. I just know I can't wear high heels (although why would I want to, I'm 5'8" when I adjust for my uneven hips), most skirts are crooked on me, and my shirts never "sit straight" on me. I have a lift in my shoe but it's not nearly "tall" enough, but it does help some. Sometimes people notice, and I tell them my hips are uneven, end of story.
I know I was never self-conscious about scoliosis, probably because I never looked in mirrors when I was nine and I wasn't in the slightest concerned about what other people thought of what I was doing or me as a person ... I have no idea if my back looked odd or anything. Scoliosis was simply one more thing I had to go through as a child. In fact, it never occured to me to do any reserach on the internet about it until my wonderful friend shared her link with me :) I've learned a lot about the disease in the short time I've had the link! Thanks.
By G. in upstate New York, 2001.
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